I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

Sometimes my blogs can go either way: on my personal blog or on my Youth Ministry blog. This one is to encourage parents and to encourage me.

Our lives just changed forever recently as my oldest child started Kindergarten. He just sat down at his seat on day one and started his coloring sheet without a care in the world that he'd just ushered his mom & dad into a whole new phase of life: the school age years.

Much like the days after he was born and we brought him home from the hospital, we were once again struck by the I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing bug. And then I came to the realization, as I hear youth talking about things like their parents helping them learn to drive on the interstate, that we have soooo much more to teach our kids to get them ready for the wide wide world when it's time to leave the nest as young adults! The remedy? (No, not more cow bell.) We just figure it out day by day.

This is really the same thing for us as parents as we look at how to nurture the faith of our children. We often feel inadequate or ill equipped. The sad part is that we are often tempted to just throw our hands up in the air, give up, or leave it to the "professionals" like Pastors and Youth Ministers. (Side note: I have yet to be the parent of a teenager. I have no idea what that is like. You do. You are already more of an expert than me in that department!)

When it comes down to what I believe to be the most important thing in life--a relationship with Jesus Christ and our kids' faith journey--why out of anything, do we find this one so daunting that we're ready to hang it up? Why do we feel so inadequate, so unequipped, so unqualified? Perhaps it as simple as that. We are inadequate. We are unequipped. We are unqualified. And this task is so important that we're afraid to mess it up. And yet we tackle so many other difficult things in life with such tenacity and energy.

Our kids relationship with God and their faith journey is worth it too.

The remedy comes in two principles. (1) God is there for us. Through the sacrifice of Jesus and the distinction now that the Holy Spirit is within us (New Testament) rather than coming on to us (Old Testament), we have a Helper in Him. You've probably heard countless times that God does not call the equipped, God equips the called. I am living proof of that! (2) As with bringing a new baby home or sending kids off to school or helping them learn to drive, we just figure it out day by day. We need to dive in and even admit to our kids that we don't always know what we're doing, but by-golly, we're going to figure this thing out together!

Okay, now for strategy for youth ministry. What if everyone does their part? What if we as a church family raise the bar of expectations and expect that parents will in some capacity be involved with the youth ministry their kids are involved with? We do it with their school work. Their t-ball teams. Band. Choir. Dance. The big Fall show. We need more than anything to be involved in our kids' spiritual formation. So perhaps the deeper question for the benefit of our young people is what if each of our youth had a constellation or a web of relationships within the church family? With other youth and with other adults?

And now for the super practical: if each parent helps once or twice a year: all youth ministry bases get covered, youth grow in faith AND parents grow in faith, parents get to know other parents, youth get to know other parents, and so much more.

The biggest dividend--and it's Biblical--is this: when we are faithful to build the leadership nets and a relational foundation, our youth and youth ministry will grow. It will be healthy. It will be sustainable. It will be life changing. Youth will NOT slip through the cracks when so many love and care for them in the name of Jesus. Young people will be coming in droves because the word will spread about how they will be loved, cared for, and brought into a life changing relationship with Jesus Christ through our church family.

Where Two or Three Are Gathered...

There's an old saying, "Where two or three are gathered, someone will spill something." Okay, it's really Jesus who says, "Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I with them (Matthew 18:20)."

Just a general principle to throw out there in youth ministry: If one or two show up...do the program or event! You have a divine appointment with each person who shows up, so make the best of it.

To be honest, I was a bit nervous about a recent theme park outing when one young man came and five young ladies--four of which were middle schoolers, two I'd never met. I began to think about what in the world I can offer middle school girls? And before long, God started showing me some pretty cool stuff. I got a chance to see into my own future--about 10 years down the road when my own daughter will be their age and doing stuff with friends. I just smiled.

So what do you do as a male youth leader when working with middle school girls? Well, I hope it goes without saying that we need to be smart about it and there are obvious don'ts. (If you do not realize this as a male youth leader, get out of youth ministry now and get help, please. I mean this with as much love and grace as I can muster when there are a lot of people out there who hurt kids.) Other adults should be present. If this isn't possible, be sure to meet in public places. Never travel alone with just one youth in a car (boys or girls). I look at it like I'm their older brother, but often girls will need the older sister, cool aunt, or sweet grandma figures in their lives more than they need you. Be okay with that, guys.

Back to the question though: what DO you do? Love them. Laugh with them. Protect them. Let them dunk you or knock you off your tube in the lazy river. Let them treat you like they'd treat an older brother. Remind them that boys have cooties and are gross and to stay away from them. (Dad's like that a lot!)

And remember, most of all, middle schoolers are awesome! Even the guys.

OMP Observations Too 2012

So much to share and remember about my first Ozark Mission Project!

Developing a deep love for my Family Group. Developing a deeper love for my youth at Lakewood. Becoming one of the guys in my (smelly) cabin--at points there were comments like "let's do this prank and not tell any of the staff of adults..." while I was right there! The new found love I have for three amazing ladies who served as OMP drivers and as leaders at Lakewood. Meeting yet another one of my predecessors and at Lakewood and other awesome OMP volunteer and college staff. Working, playing, and praying hard. Impacting the lives of our neighbors, the lives of our young campers, and being impacted by God through our neighbors and campers.

Also, as this is meant to be a practical blog as much as it is reflective on my youth ministry experiences, I would love to share some "how-to" do mission camps ideas here, but so much good stuff can already be found at www.ozarkmissionproject.org.

One thing I do want to suggest you include in any retreat or camp is a time of sharing each day. I've done this before as "prayer and share" time. Each evening at OMP, the chairs were circled up and candles were lit to create an atmosphere of worship. Those who wanted to could stand and share, often in the form of "I saw God today in..."

So now onto something strange I observed on the day our theme was "Calling Out to God in Joy." At first this is going to sound irreligious, even un-spiritual, but just go with me for a bit.

Joy is often found on the other side of trials and adversity. The great worship standard, "Trading My Sorrows" touches on this and includes this dichotomy via a section of 2 Corinthians 4 where we are "hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (8-9)."

I don't know about you, but it's often easy to feel the truth of the first parts listed here. We know what it's like to be hard pressed and yet feel crushed. We are often perplexed and yet sometimes in complete despair. We are persecuted and yet do feel abandonment. We are struck down and yet feel destruction. Let's admit it, sometimes there is no joy. Sometimes God just isn't there.

This is the un-spiritual talk I was referring to. I've heard Erwin McManus talk about these dire circumstances in our humanity. People may suggest, "You mean to say that you just didn't feel like God was there," or maybe, "You just weren't looking hard enough for God or joy." To some degree, this response when someone is experiencing deep pain or loss is about as helpful as, "If you'd have just had more faith, maybe your cancer would have been cured." This drives me crazy!

It feels like God wasn't there? No, God just wasn't there! This is at least honest, and God can take it. Interesting how the previous day's theme was calling out to God in our anger and despair. Even on the cross, Jesus echoes the words of the psalmist: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken (or forgotten) me (Matthew 27:46)?"

"Perhaps you just weren't looking hard enough for joy." How does that help Ms. Kitty who lost her father and is now taking care of her mother with dementia with little help from her siblings? Sometimes, we just need to go there with people in their pain. We need to just be there with them rather than neaten things up in some sort of strange spiritual/political correctness.

Because the fact of the matter is that Ms. Kitty did exude joy. She had a beautiful smile, a beautiful attitude, and a piano that served as an album of photos of her beautiful family. She also came out and worked with us because working outside brings her joy. (As a bit of a black thumb, I can't say that for me.) There she was sharing with us in our work even as we shared with her for a few brief moments in her suffering.

This, I imagine, is how Jesus could be fully present in our suffering and in the suffering of His sacrifice on the cross and still see beyond the present into the future joy that would be His and ours. "For the joy set before Him He endured the cross" which makes Him "the pioneer and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2)."

I urge you, to be honest in your anger, pain, and sadness even as you "fix your eyes on Jesus" because "we always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body (2 Corinthians 4:10)." As follower of Christ, we are such beautiful contradictions!